Astro-Nut 👨🏽‍🚀

The courage to book this ticket was the hardest decision to make. Knowing the outcome is unknown and pain could be eminent as my dire fate.

I put in and backed out my credit card multiple times, contemplating to myself, Maybe I should not do this and mentally I will be fine.

I know this to not be true, because the feeling of pain haunts me daily. Wish it didn’t strangle me so, and devour my thoughts to my core through and through.

As I count down the days till I board that plane, my mind has played a million scenarios. Heart wrenching in caliber questioning what might be the outcome, the level of pain.

Looking my son in his eyes for the first time in 20 years, and seeking his love, Will he runaway and turn his back on his beloved.

GOD has these answers and I’m on his path, this journey is finally coming to a pinnacle. Just wondering is it joyous or heartbreaking; Why Am I being so sinacle.

The helplessness of acceptance and rejection causes nightmares on repeat and stifles my psyche on total mental drain. The unknown and the possible outcome of negativity rings in my head like a weighted crown of shame.

Is it too late to turn back now, or stand up and face my fear. I want to chicken out and cancel and just deal with this pain internally as Circadian-Rhythm-Degrade-Severe.

So as I count down the days, I put all my faith in him for strength and support. Shut down my inner thoughts to run and divert.

I want this so bad and need this love to flow through our bodies like a Church hymn . The hole in my heart is beyond repair without him.

GOD help me to follow your direction that this is the right decision to make🙏🏾

-Astro-Nut 👨🏽‍🚀